kristin has been a bad kristin
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
