he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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