also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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