Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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