I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize