Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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