dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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