I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
