So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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