I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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