why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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