Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
