holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
