Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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