i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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