Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
