did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
