Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize