I'm lost and stupid without you.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
