I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
