Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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