This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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