I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
