Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
