This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize