I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
