I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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