he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
