Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
