hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
