i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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