...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
