I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
