is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
