If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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