Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
