i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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