you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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