I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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