I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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