it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
