im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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