I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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