He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
