He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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