Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
