Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You may now shotgun with the bride
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
