We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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