This is not my ceiling
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize