my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
