Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
