she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
