im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
