clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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