Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
