Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
