He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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