All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
