the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize