I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize