dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
