it glows. i had to have it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
