I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
