you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
