and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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