Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
