now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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