I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
