lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
