i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
